Black Girl x The Importance Of Self Worth

“Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.”


Hey Black Girl,

Why is it that we have to go through hell to realize our self worth? Time and time again we find ourselves in situations where we lose ourselves trying to impress someone who could care less about us. Too busy “holding them down” and neglecting the person who really matters the most. YOU! There will always be someone incapable of seeing your worth. It doesn’t matter how much you try to prove yourself, they just won’t see it. And guess what? That doesn’t take anything away from your own value. This applies to jobs, friendships, relationships, etc.

It wasn’t until I started loving myself that I realized how little I thought of myself. I remember talking to this guy and for the life of me, I just couldn’t understand why he couldn’t see my worth, I tried so hard to make him see how much of a “good girl” I was. (0/10 would not recommend) I tried to show him how “loyal” I was to him but he just wouldn’t see it and I would be so hard on myself like what am I doing wrong?! Am I not good enough? One valuable lesson learned from this situation: You should never have to PROVE yourself to anyone but we’ll save that for another day.

(me to my younger self)

I had no confidence AT ALL. Looking back in hindsight, his inability to see my worth had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. It was foolish of me to base my worth off his ability to see my value. Often times, it takes us going through tough situations to realize how much we truly didn’t love ourselves. So what can we do to start loving ourselves more?

1. Make an effort to find yourself and embrace that person - Sometimes you have to put everything else on pause to discover who you are. What are your strengths, weaknesses, dislikes, likes? You have to take time to find the good, the bad and the ugly but regardless you have to embrace who that person is. Embrace where you are currently, while still working towards a better you.

2. Set boundaries and maintain them - Come up with your own boundaries for how you want to be treated and stick with it. Don’t try to make accommodations and exceptions for people, stand on your boundaries. Love yourself enough to remove people who don’t respect them.

3. Accept the fact that everyone won’t see your value - This is a hard truth to swallow but probably the most important. Everyone won’t see your worth and it’s not your job to try and show them. It’s ok. Don’t let them dim your light.

4. Don’t neglect yourself - Enough said. Don’t forget about you. A lot of times we put everybody else’s needs and wants above our own. You have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of others.

Will Smith says “I believe that self discipline is the definition of self love and when you say love yourself, you have behaviors toward yourself that are loving” and I strongly agree with this. You have to be disciplined enough to let go of things and people that don’t serve you. Even when you “love them,” love yourself more. Know your worth. Go where you are celebrated!

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